OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
