chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
