I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
