those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
smell my finger.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize