Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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