I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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