i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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