i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
