i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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