I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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