you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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