also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
