Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
