She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
