i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize