i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
