I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
