ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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