I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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