she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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