hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
