Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
