Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
