you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
