Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
