Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
