The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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