im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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