Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
