You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
