Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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