do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
