The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Say something about gay babies.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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