i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
