walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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