so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
