a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
