But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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