His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
