Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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