im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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