This is not my ceiling
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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