Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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