We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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