Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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