i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
