seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
