her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
