he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.