i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bring me that man meat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
