bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??