I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.