I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.