do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
