yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wanna go halves on a baby?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
