After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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