i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
