Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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