Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
