You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
