Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
