It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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