I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
