He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Small penises have feelings too.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
