he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
