Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
