yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
