You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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