I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
