hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize