We named our party play list daddy issues
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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