let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
