I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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